Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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