So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
