When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
