I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
