I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
