he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
my liver is dry heaving
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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