You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
