Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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