im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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