hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize
