it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
