got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
