please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
