your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
