i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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