Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
