I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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