Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
