Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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