I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
