Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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