i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
