I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
