Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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