she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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