If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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