So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
