why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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