god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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