Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
