My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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