I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
