I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
