he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
