if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
