Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
