Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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