I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
