She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Houston, we have a squirter
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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