So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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