and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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