when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
