you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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