We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
