I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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