Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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