I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
