do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
