woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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