yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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