i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
