i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
