Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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