It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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