Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
