I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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