Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
