Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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