i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
