So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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