he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
