I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
