i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
