the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
