You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
